zackthekiller | IC Inbox (EWAY Archive)

[It isn’t unusual -- at least, one would guess -- for Rachel to remain silent and staring straight ahead for long periods of time. It’s late, and she’s always got that dead look about her, especially under that pale blue of the false moon. She’s probably just trying to sleep.

...Or that might be the case until it lasts throughout the night (break time for some sleep) and well into the next day. By the evening of the nineteenth, Ray’s hardly moved at all, and certainly not to eat or drink. She’s curled on her side, eyes unfocused, and the majority of her body’s remaining energy seems to be spent on breathing.

Safe to say that she is Not Feeling Good.]

[Zack thought she wanted to sleep in at first, but when she ends up staying in bed all day he starts to get worried. She looked fine when she got here, did she get poisoned again?]

[She hasn't eaten at all, but he's not gonna let her starve to death before he can kill her! That's why he went to the dining room to get her a sandwich, some chips, and a bottle of apple juice.]

[He sets the food down on the bed in front of her, then shakes her shoulder a bit to get her attention.]

Hey! I brought you something to eat!

Edited (Too early!) 2017-05-20 14:43 (UTC)

[Her plan was to let the food sit there and rot, like how she felt in her bones she had to right now, but Zack's insistent shake gets her to wince and drag her eyes up to his face.]

...Okay. You sure did.

[What a brat. She even ignores her own stomach's longing croak to shift on her back and watch the ceiling. It had already shifted to that sky again, and it was just another way this world was mocking her for her wish. Live with what you did. Live.

She doesn't feel capable of crying right now, but she thinks that years ago, she would have.]

I don't want it. You can have it.

[What's her problem now? Has she completely lost the will to live?]

[It's dull, and seeing her just lie there and waste away makes him sick. He nudges the food closer to her.]

No, I already ate. You eat it...

[If he didn't start caring about this kid, he would have eagerly scarfed this down, but they made a promise and he's not letting her back down from it.]

[Huh. So he'd gone out of his way for it.]

Why...?

[If she had the energy or inclination, the question would be accompanied by a sarcastic laugh. Now? What's the point?]

It won't matter. So why would it matter to you?

[He's also blunt.]

Because I didn't go around smasing shit and killing off psychotic assholes just so you can curl up in a corner and starve.

[It sounds sweet, doesn't it? However, if they weren't in private what he says next would sound horrible.]

I'm the one who's gonna kill you. Remember?

Edited 2017-05-20 22:19 (UTC)

[To her, even in this state, it is very sweet, and it makes her eyes go dim with weariness instead of the comparatively sharp way they had looked seconds before. Although...very few people would be able to notice the difference. Zack is one of them, by now, exposed to her doll-like face so much during their adventure.]

...Zack.

[Ray lets his name hang there for a best, but then her head lolls to the side again so she can watch him. There's the slightest tension in her voice, making it crack.]

If you wanted to kill me here, it wouldn't matter. If I starve here, it won't matter. It doesn't matter. He won't take me... God won't take me.

Huh?

[So she lost the will to exist, apparently? What the fuck is going on?]

[Better ask.] Whadya mean, "God won't take you?"

[Her stomach growls again, and she wraps her arms around herself like that will muffle the noise any. The measure of comfort she got from remembering long-discontinued hugs was...something. Comforting isn't actually the word.]

He -- won't take me. He can't, here. I'll come back...again and again... What will I be dying for? I'm not supposed to live, but if I can't stay dead, why does it matter how I die?

Woah, woah, woah. Back up.

Did you just say you'll come back from death?!

[This is news to Zack. What the hell?]

[It's so much worse, hearing someone else say it... But thank God he hadn't known. She doesn't know what she would have done if he already knew and kept it from her.]

Someone told me... Zack. I... I don't know what to do anymore.

[So the answer is to do nothing, clearly.]

[Okay, now Zack's getting concerned.]

Ray? What did the bastard tell you?

[If someone was mocking her death wish, he's gonna slaughter them.]

Edited 2017-05-21 16:05 (UTC)

[If she was privy to his impulses, she might put more into her explanation.]

They said...dying once wasn't enough... It won't do anything.

Haaah?!

[Okay, now Zack looks agitated. Was someone fucking around with her?!]

The hell are you talking about? You can't die more than once, can you?!

Here...you can.

[Now she's actually fretting a little, enough to prop herself up on an elbow and almost sound like she's pleading.]

Five times is bad... And there might be more than that. I don't know. I don't know...

What...?

[Five times?!]

[Five fucking times?!?]

Hey... Hey, pull yourself together! Maybe they just mean you can die up to five times or something.

But --

[It's very difficult to pull herself together. Imagining thread stitching her bones together and being drawn taut... Yes, that made it a little easier. Okay.]

What if He never takes me...? What if I never go back and I keep...living? I'm not supposed to live...

[Okay, Zack. Think. What the hell was he gonna do to get around the multiple death thing?]

Damn, that can't be right. There's gotta be a way to permanently die around here.

[They haven't been here long enough. They don't know anything. Zack is bad at thinking, and she's in no state right now... It might as well be hopeless, from her perspective, and that feeling hits her all over again like a wave that makes her crumple back down onto the bed and curl her arms close. Saying that it makes her want to die is almost a joke, at this point.]

... Ray?

Ray?!

[He shakes her shoulder again, not knowing how else to respond.]

Hey! Come on, stay with me here!

[aughhh, she's so tiny that this is actually really uncomfortable -- but effective! Ray moves a hand up to hold his wrist to see if that's enough to get him to stop.]

I'm fine... ["fine"] But I'm not...hungry. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter...

[Her stomach not-so-respectfully disagrees.]

[Okay, this is getting annoying. Why is he getting worked up over someone who doesn't want to fucking live?! Is it that promise he swore to keep?]

[There has got to be a way to fix this. There has gotta be a way.]

You know what? I'm gonna go find something that'll make sure you're gone for good!

[She opens her mouth to argue, but something gives her pause.

Zack hates liars. He'd never let himself become one. Not over someone as insignificant and impure as her.]

Even...if it's impossible...?

[If he can guarantee that...]

[He does. He really does hate liars. Why would he stop hating them now?]

I dunno if it is, but...

[He knows just the words to make her listen, now.]

I swear to God, if I can find a way you can stay dead, I'm using it to kill you.

[He means it.]

Edited 2017-05-22 23:25 (UTC)

...Oh...

[What a relief. There's still that uncertainty, that if thrown in as insurance, but... But he was going to try. He was going to fight for it, against whatever odds, and hold this oath against God as well.

What a relief. What a relief.]

Thank you, Zack... I'm sorry...I'm such a burden... [But she can try to be a little better... She could appreciate what he's done for her.

With a trembling hand, she picks up one of the chips and starts to nibble at it. Good work, buddy.]

[He is gonna try.]

Hey, I've put up with worse.

[Good. Eat the chips, little bird- Great, now her love for animals is rubbing off on him. Damnit.]

[wow...loser]

...That's unfortunate.

[She says, back to deadpan. She doesn't question the validity though -- all in all, her most terrible sins have been committed when she hasn't been around Zack.]

I still don't really know you that well, do I...?

[Is she still gonna eat? That's more important.]

I could say the same about you.

[She's working on it...slowly... She's about halfway through this chip.]

True.

[Look, she'll even reach for the sandwich now.]

We didn't have time before. [Now there's way too much time. With a soft sigh, she peeks between the slices of bread. What did you bring her, friendo...] Was there a reason why you chose...these?

[Unexpectedly competent food choice, even if she doesn't know about Zack's gross basement food habits.]

[Good. He won't rush her.]

And now we have all the fucking time in the world. Ironic, ain't it?

[You get ham and cheese. With bacon.]

Uh, I went to the fridge for a quick and easy meal, and this is what I got.

[So you're eating Wonderland food. Hey, it's food.]

[oof. she doesn't want all the time in the world!!!] ...Yeah.

[Ham and bacon... That seems excessive, but okay. She's satisfied her curiosity. Thinking about Living For A While bums her out enough that she goes back to the chip for now.]

I see... What did you have?

[He doesn't wanna be stuck here forever, either, but at least he's alive.]

Uh... A sandwich.

[Same as you.]

Edited (Continuity errors. Whoops) 2017-05-24 02:59 (UTC)

[siiiigh, that's the PROBLEM... Well, her problem. She's extremely relieved Zack is alive. He wasn't looking so hot before, from her perspective.]

...Mm. So you're not very picky. Except about the expressions of those you're going to kill...

[Zack shrugs.]

Pretty much. I don't care about food, but there are certain emotions that really set me off. I don't have to explain them again, do I?

[He gets the urge to kill the joyful, but he has no interest in the empty. Such is Zack's life.]

No. I've had a good understanding of that for a while, now.

[Not even bitter about it. Though that...isn't a surprise. Sorry, she's boring. Better boring than completely given up, as punctuated by the crunch of her finishing this chip. What a good chip.

Eating break, that took some effort.]

...I just wondered. It was nice of you to bring me this, in any case. Thank you.

Good.

[He's not gonna disturb her until she said something. She is nibbling, and not depressed. Good.]

... Hey, no problem.

[...I mean, she's always depressed. But yeah, comparatively.]

I'll make sure to be useful to you. I want to learn about you so I can help you even more. And...just to learn about you... You're very good, Zack.

... Seriously? Me?

[Is he? All he's ever done is kill innocent people out of impulse.]

[... Until this girl showed up. Boy, has she turned his life upside down.]

Thanks... I guess.

[He sure is a serial killer, but...he still feels like a better person than her, somehow. He had always been good to her, after that first meeting, and there was something about him... She was trying, though. Trying to give herself over to a better her. Just...happens to think that her is most likely a dead her, as she'd be with God. Ahem.]

Of course. To me, you are. Is that so hard to believe...?

[That's... Actually the nicest think she said to him, he thinks. He doesn't know how to respond.]

... Maybe?

[This is a big day of Not Knowing What To Do. Ray considers him for a moment, then picks up the sandwich again and starts eating. Emotions are a complicated thing. She remembers that, even if her own have been blunted for so long -- that brief taste of joy and fear when she'd been on B6 before remembering what she'd done helped, she's sure.

Anything else she might say could make it worse. She'll let him figure out his bearings in peace.]

IC Inbox (EWAY Archive)

[action; evening of may 19th.]

CW: murder intentions

this whole thread is p much cw: death wish/fulfillment, so

Sorry everyone.

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Toss in a CW for casual mention of manslaughter

someone stop these two

They are unstoppable!

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CW: Murder thoughts? For someone other than Ray???

gasp

Re: gasp

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CW: MOAR MURDER IDEATION yay

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